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User submitted and ranked jokes.

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  • 07/21/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 22, 2017
  • Funny Bumper Stickers

    My karma ran over your dogma.

    Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

    I'm in no hurry, I'm on my way to work.

    Hey idiot, hang up! You are driving a car, not a phone booth.

    Take your time, but hurry.

    Speed kills, drive slow, get a Honda.

    0 to 60... in 15 minutes.

    If you don't like my driving, stay off the footpath.

    Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?

    Forget about world peace... visualize using your turn signal.

    As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.

    Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!

    Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.

    Caution: Driver Sleeping.

    Don't Think and Drive.

    Caution I swerve and hit people at random.

    So many pedestrians, so little time.

    Faster than a speeding ticket.

    Caution: I drive like you do

    The driver has no money, he's married.

    Stop reading my bumper stickers and pay attention to the road! :D


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  • 07/22/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 23, 2017
  • Getting Out of Work

    One day, a blond and her male co-worker are sitting in the lunch room, and the guy says, "I can't take anymore today, I am going home!" The blond replies, "You can't just get up and leave. You'll be fired!". "Not to worry, I am going to be sent home. I have an idea." the guy says and leaves the room.

    The blond finishes her lunch and heads back into work, to see her co-worker hanging upside down from the ceiling, yelling over and over, "I'm a lightbulb!". The owner hears this and comes down. He takes one look at the guy, hanging upside down, yelling he is a lightbulb, and sends him home for the rest of the day, with pay, so he can rest, because he has obviously been working to hard.

    The guy gets down off the ceiling, thanks the owner and leaves.

    The blond turns around and starts to leave. The owner yells to her, "Hey where the heck do you think you are going?" The blond replies, "I'm going home. You can't expect me to work in the dark!"


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  • 07/23/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 24, 2017
  • You Idiot!

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
    "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"


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  • 07/24/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 25, 2017
  • Deep Sleeper

    A man stepped onto the overnight train and told the conductor, "I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I'm a deep sleeper and can be ornery when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here's $100 to make sure."

    The conductor agreed. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. "I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!"

    "Wow," another passenger said to his traveling companion. "Is that guy ever mad!"
    "Yeah," his companion replied. "But not half as mad as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia."


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  • 07/25/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 26, 2017
  • The Internet...

    My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

    Their Disney password was "GoofyMickeyMinniePluto" and I asked why it was so long.

    "Because," my son explained, "they said it had to have at least four characters."


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  • 07/26/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 27, 2017
  • A True Senior's Moment

    This Is A True Senior's Moment:

    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really
    great. I would recommend it very highly."

    The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

    The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that is red and has thorns."

    "Do you mean a rose?"

    "Oh, yes," the man said, and then he turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"


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  • 07/27/17--17:00: Daily Joke for Jul 28, 2017
  • Younger Sibling

    For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

    One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

    The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

    Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"


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